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You Can Say I'm A Dreamer
But I'm Not The Only One
Created on 2003-12-16 11:20:53 (#1596349), last updated 2004-03-24
109 comments received, 319 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
83 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 1 Memory, 0 Virtual Gifts, 3 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | Destined to Fail |
|---|
Bioseems i never get enough of me.
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
#312: When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe. No, wait, not science, vandalism. And not cringe, laugh.
#268: If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!
#190: I can picture in my mind a world without war, and a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
#385: Sometimes kids are so cruel to animals, especially insects. I remember one time I caught this grasshopper, and I made him wear a little straw hat that I had made. Also a little pair of denim overalls. And I made him hold this little tiny pitchfork. So guess what he looked like? What is the enemy of the grasshopper and the one thing he wouldn't want to look like? That's right, a farmer.
#85: If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
#370: If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can't decide if it's me or not, just put my funny fisherman's hat on my "head." See, it's me!
#447: It was really sad when I went to visit my friend Jim at the state mental institution. He was convinced he was on a tropical island with no cares and no worries. It took me a long time to convince him that no, he was in a room with bare walls and a bare bed and he was wearing a straitjacket.
#392: At first I thought a good way to get people to dig you some flower beds for free would be to call the police and say you buried some bodies in your backyard. But here's the catch: they dig everywhere, not just where you tell them to.
#59: Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
#454: One afternoon, when I was about ten, I decided to walk over to the "wrong side of the tracks." At first I was a little scared. But then I noticed that the yards were nice, and so were the houses. In fact, most of the houses were better than those on our side of the tracks. A lot better.
#78: It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
#240: I'd like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a "tap barrier," and we could move on from there.
#72: I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.
#139: Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing: a better house!
#99: Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
#458: At summer camp one night it was my turn to tell a ghost story around the campfire. I started to tell this story about a murderer who has a hook for a hand, but then I saw that one of the kids sitting there had a hook instead of a hand. When I saw that, I let out a big scream and went running for my tent, as fast as my little legs could take me.
#308: If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
#40: Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
#132: If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
#312: When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe. No, wait, not science, vandalism. And not cringe, laugh.
#268: If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!
#190: I can picture in my mind a world without war, and a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
#385: Sometimes kids are so cruel to animals, especially insects. I remember one time I caught this grasshopper, and I made him wear a little straw hat that I had made. Also a little pair of denim overalls. And I made him hold this little tiny pitchfork. So guess what he looked like? What is the enemy of the grasshopper and the one thing he wouldn't want to look like? That's right, a farmer.
#85: If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
#370: If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can't decide if it's me or not, just put my funny fisherman's hat on my "head." See, it's me!
#447: It was really sad when I went to visit my friend Jim at the state mental institution. He was convinced he was on a tropical island with no cares and no worries. It took me a long time to convince him that no, he was in a room with bare walls and a bare bed and he was wearing a straitjacket.
#392: At first I thought a good way to get people to dig you some flower beds for free would be to call the police and say you buried some bodies in your backyard. But here's the catch: they dig everywhere, not just where you tell them to.
#59: Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
#454: One afternoon, when I was about ten, I decided to walk over to the "wrong side of the tracks." At first I was a little scared. But then I noticed that the yards were nice, and so were the houses. In fact, most of the houses were better than those on our side of the tracks. A lot better.
#78: It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
#240: I'd like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a "tap barrier," and we could move on from there.
#72: I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.
#139: Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing: a better house!
#99: Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
#458: At summer camp one night it was my turn to tell a ghost story around the campfire. I started to tell this story about a murderer who has a hook for a hand, but then I saw that one of the kids sitting there had a hook instead of a hand. When I saw that, I let out a big scream and went running for my tent, as fast as my little legs could take me.
#308: If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
#40: Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
#132: If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
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3rd wave ska, 90's rock, adam carolla, adam sandler, better than ezra, boys, bracket, catch 22, cherry poppin' daddies, chinese food...yum, collective soul, coyote shivers, dancehall crashers, drop kick murphys, empire records, everclear, everybody loves raymond, family guy, flogging molly, funky brewster, gin blossoms, goldfinger, good music, guitar, hepcat, jack handey, jimi hendrix, kb drive, kevin smith, lagwagon, less than jake, local bands, loveline, mighty mighty bosstones, o.a.r, propaghandi, reel big fish, reggae dub, save ferris, scary movies, scenesucks, shopping, simon and garfunkel, ska, skanking, still standing, sublime, subsist, suburban legends, sugarcult :-p, swing, that 70's show, the beatles, the godfather, the goonies, the max levine ensemble, the original nintendo nes, the simpsons, thisisyoutoo, tilt, two tone ska
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